vCJD

I am developing an unnatural obsession with vCJD. I think part of it is just morbid fascination and a genuine interest in prions, but largely it just horrifies me that I could be harbouring a disease that there is no cure for.

I guess in a lot of ways it's very similar to my fear of HIV. I'm petrified of having something that isn't fixible, of my own body attacking itself. And the even more terrifying thing about vCJD is that it can reduce you to a vegetive state within months, leaving you paralysed and mute. Just writing about this is raising my pulse rate.

I know there's no point being scared of something you can't control, but I live in constant fear of something like this happening. It's times like this when I wish I was a vegetarian.

Mortality

I spend a lot of time worrying about my health. I'm not entirely sure when I first became aware of my own mortality, but suffice to say I've been gripped with paranoia about disease and illness ever since.

What is interesting is that I am not particularly scared of pain. I don't spend hours awake at night worrying about the symptoms and effects of any particular illness, nor do I fear permanent disability. As much as I hate to admit it, it is the fear of death that consumes me.